Life

The meaning of life to me is one of those things that I will never know or understand.

Some days I think that the meaning of life comes from your family. My family is my most amazing accomplishment, and to me they are my meaning. My girls are the most important factor in my decision making, they are the reason that I get up in the morning and go to work. They are the reason I am always trying to better myself. I never want to disappoint my children although I know it will happen. I am a better momma because of my children. I will always be thankful to them for that. It amazes me how much of a better mother I am now. Before I had the luxury of being the fun momma, and never had to really worry about much of anything.....now however, I am the one that takes care of them, I am the one that works full time and still makes time to do all the things we did before and then some. But if it were not for my kids, how easy it would have been to walk away from everything and not look back. The girls have forced me to look at myself and exam who I am. I know now that bc of them I make sure that there is open communication between Chase and I. I do not by any means have to do that, but I want them to see that just bc people make mistakes, we should always forgive. They have made me want to be a better christian. I want them to look at me and be proud. I think that I would literally die if I ever heard my kids say "she's our mom so we have to love her, but I am not gonna do anything the way she did things" They are my world and they give me true meaning.

Other days I think that the meaning of life comes from the people that we are privileged to call friends. I have so very close friends that I have depended on a lot lately. I know if I ever needed them they would be there in a heartbeat. I know that they could say the same about me, and I think that my friends give me purpose in this life. Over the past year, my friends have had to become my family. I am living in a state with out any family around, and my friends are theones that I tend to call when I am in need. One of the best feelings to me is knowing that you can have those friend in your life that you can consider family. I have been extremely blessed to find that over and over again in my life. Without them my life would not have much meaning.

Everyday I know that my true meaning and purpose in this life comes from God. I know that he has placed these children and friends in my life because he knows what I need more than anyone, especially better than I. I have made so many decisions lately that have not been what God would have wanted me to choose. I know that by making these decisions I have truly put God in the backseat of my life and asked him sit tight..... I have been looking at things more clearly over the past few days, and have made some decisions that are gonna make everyone in my life happy. I want everyone I know to be proud of me and respect me, but right now more than anything I want to be able to say with out a doubt in my mind that my Lord is proud of me and the decisions that I am making. I want for him to pour into me the meaning of my life, and help me to see it with open eyes and an open heart.

I think that my love of people, and my love for the Lord are what gives me meaning in my life. Maybe one day I will be able to look back on my life and see the true meaning of life thru the choices I have made. Hopefully when I die, people will look at my life and be inspired to do good. And maybe just maybe that is my meaning and my purpose for all that I do!