To God be the Glory

In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, I am reminded to stop and thank God for all that he has done in my life. This year it has been so evident that He has been working in my life. I know that He has been with me always, but I have not been able to see Him past myself! I am humbled by the grace that He has extended to me. I am honored to have the ability to ask for forgiveness, and to go before His throne giving glory to Him!

I pray that as this year comes to an end, and a new one starts, that we will all remember to give God the glory!! I am making a resolution to give thanks in every situation, and give God the glory no matter what the situation is!! I am wanting my girls to see me as an example of a strong christian woman, so that they will be strong when they grow up. I also want the girls to know that no matter what happens in life, God will be with them, and they will have Him to help them get thru the tough times!!

Merry Christmas to you all from our family to yours!!

Tis the Season

Times have been really hard lately, but of course it has to get better. The girls and I have been doing our thing, sticking to our routine, and finally i am realizing that Christmas is around the corner. We are headed to mom and dad's on Friday for christmas with them and then coming back here for Christmas eve and christmas morning. I am not enjoying the whole splitting up of holidays, as a mother, and someone who loves Christmas, I am not looking forward to christmas day. I guess though it is what we do with the time we have together. I have tried to keep all the traditions the same, and as usual there are not many more traditions that we could add this year. We have our Elf on a Shelf, We do the christmas eve gift of new pajamas, and reindeer food, cookies for santa, and all the other little things that make the holidays the holidays!

We have been dealing with the sickness for a while.
Emma has had : walking pneumonia, and Pink eye
Abbi: has been well!! who would have thought
Me: currently I have Strep throat, a kidney infection, and sinus infection

Yay for illness!! Luckily Emma has gotten over her stuff reatively quickly, but Me on the other hand, I am not feeling so hot! Hopefully by christmas santa will bring me good health.


Hopefully everyone else is having a great holiday season!!

the Rollercoaster continues!!

There are times in your life, when you are so blessed that you forget that there are low points in life. When you are up, you are doing great and everything is going your way. When the lows come, it hits you hard! I am learning the hard way to ride this rollercoaster of life as a single woman and mother. And let me just say it is tough. I have been very blessed, more than I deserve to be, or ever thought I could be, but have forgotten about the important things in life. After the sell of the house, everything was going well, but like all things money runs low and it all gets tight! I am now working three jobs to make ends meet for me and the girls, and I am not gonna lie, I am worn out. We are in a major low, and I was reminded today that it could always be worse. But where am I looking to find comfort? I am looking to my friends and family of course, but have noticed that recently I have taken my focus off of God!

I am just like everyone before me, I am on the same path as many, but I am still looking down!! I have many theme songs in life and right now the one that sums it up the most is the one that brings my life into focus as soon as it starts playing!!


I will not be Moved!

I have been a wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned sovreignty
and had my share of doubts

And though sometimes
my prayers feel like they're
bouncin off the sky
the hand that holds I won't let go
and here's the reason why

I will stumble, i will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face Heartaches
But I will not be Moved

On c]Christ the solid Rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
many times before
My life has been a broken glass
and I have kept the score
of all the shattered dreams
and though it seemed
that I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's GRACE I'm standing on

I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved

On Christ the solid ROCK I stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
has been a badge of war
and though I have been torn
I willnot be moved

I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartaches
but I will not be moved

On Christ the solid ROck i stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved



This is the my life right now summed up into a powerful song!! I love it, it is by Natalie Grant!!

It's been official for a whole week!

Last Monday at 1:45pm my marriage to Chase was officially over! It has been a very long 6 months, but it is now a done deal, no looking back. It is time to look forward and move on, for the girls sake and for my own. It is weird having been married for so long, and now to be SINGLE again. I am amazed at how things have changed over the past 12 years. I have never really though about what single moms go thru, until now. It is hard, a constant juggling act. You have to make time for everything, and you put yourself last every time. There is not anymore me time, except for when Chase has the girls. But even then I tend to work on the house and laundry and grocery shopping.

I have been reflecting on what it is that I want in life, and i have a mental list that I keep. It is gonna be an interesting adventure, I just hope that I am up for the ride! This past week has been a tough one. My emotions have been a roller coaster, with all of the ups and downs, happy to sad in 2 seconds flat. the girls are doing well, but I have them signed up to start counseling next week. They are needing to talk to someone, and I have found a girl from Harding that works really well with children. I think she is just what we need, and she will help the girls to deal with all of their stress that has come from the divorce.

Hopefully all of you reading are having a great week! Thnk you for your thoughts and prayers!

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your faithfulness,
Oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with
the sinner's restless heart
You lead me by still waters
into mercy
where nothing can keep us apart
So, remember your people
remember your children
Remember your promise
Oh God
For Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for Me

Great is Your love and justice
God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Heaven's victory
And all your people sing along
So remember your people
remember your children
remember your promise Oh God

For your Grace is enough
your Grace is enough
your Grace is enough
For your Grace is enough
for me

So remember your people
remember your children
remember your promise Oh God

For your grace is enough
your grace is enough
your grace is enough for me

A new Creation

We have had a great couple of weeks! I am going to admit to something, that I probably shouldn't! Before our world became topsy turvy, I was not much of one to sit and pray. I thought I was doing a good enough job, but I so was not doing anything but box checking. It has become more apparent to me over the last few weeks as I have watched Emma in school. She started this school year hating it. She acted up during class, and came home on yellow most of the days of the week. (shocking I know) She has had a rough start, so we decided to turn things around out our little house. We have changed some things, and the biggest one is how we pray. Not just for dinner anymore, or before bed. We pray all the time, and we pray for specific things. We pray every night for Emma, and her behavior in school. We pray that God protect us from harm in our little house every day. We pray for each other, and we try to keep a prayer in our hearts all day long. The girls babysitter this summer, told them that when they needed someone to talk to they could always talk to God. They have been doing it ever since. I think that by watching them I was convicted to do the same. There is nothing more powerful than listening to your babies pray.
I have sat outside the door and listened to Emma praying for her sister and her friends and family. She always asks God to help her act right at school too. I try to remember in the mornings to let her know that i am praying for her to have a good day, and i remind her that God is with her all the time watching over her. I am amazed at how just saying that has reassured her and helped her grow in her love of God.
We have started listening to KLOVE on the radio, and the positive message that has come from that is also helping with the girls.
NOW I am not saying that there is not any fighting in our little home, because we are 3 females living together, but it has not been as bad as it was in the beginning of the year. Granted when these little girls grow up and we have all of the HORMONES flowing thru this house, we will be praying a very different prayer! But for right now there is a new attitude and spirit in this house!

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your Faithfulness
Oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with the Sinner's
restless heart
You lead me by still waters

And so it begins!

I have been putting off doing this for a while now, but have decided to take the advice of my counselor! I guess I should since I have given her so much money! Anyway, the idea is to look at the people in my life and decide which ones I need to have in my life! I have a problem with people using me! I hate that about myself, I always try to do what is best, but i always end up being used and taken advantag of! So anyway, today was the day that I finally did it! I sat down with my list of friends and decided which ones to keep in my life! I did not know that you could make decisions like that, but I NEED to take control of my life for me and the girls! I am scared that I am a making a mistake, but that is what life is all about! Pray for me while I venture on this journey to find what it is I am looking for! On my journey to find myself, and to put GOD back in the center of my life! You have all been so supportive and encouraging, and I covet your prayers! Thank you all for the prayers and love you send this way!

A good Week!

Every once in a while a good week pops up in the Tucker House! This is one of those weeks! Emma has had a fabulous week at school this week, Abbi is loving preschool, and I am having a great work week! I would say that we are just lucky this week, but I am learning that everything happens for a reason! And by that I mean that God is blessing us over and over! I am amazed at how often over the past few months we have been blessed. here are a few examples:

Our church(awesome)
Our Friends
Our House
My job
***we have been accepted by some of the State funded programs that are helping us out right now tremendously!

Now a little bit about all of these.
*Church
We have started going to UCC in Conway, and I have been blessed by being in the presence of The Lord every time I walk into the building! It amazes me how you can feel the love in the room when you walk in. I have never in my life felt more accepted and loved by complete strangers. It has been a wonderful experience for me and the girls. I am a better mother because of it! I also have met one of my favorite people there, and could not imagine not having her in my daily life. She has been an awesome friend, and I would not have met her if we were not going thru this divorce.

*Friends
Friends have always been an important part of my life, and the girls are starting to see how wonderful it is to have great friends. At the end of last year I met one of the other motheres at Emma's school, and we started talking. Over the summer while I was working, she cared for and loved my children as she would her own. She has been a source of strength to me, she and her husband have a marriage that makes you yearn to find that true love you hear about but never see.
Tami and Thomas are amazing people, and have opened my eyes to so much! I hate to admit but growing up in the Church of Christ i have been closed minded to others in the world. Such an elitest frame of mind. They are amazing christians that share the love of God with everyone around them. They inspire me everyday. I love them. Emma and their daughter Annabelle are good friends and Abbi and Kaedyn are best buddies! So we spend a lot of time with them.

Hollie and Hank are two of my favorite people.I met them at UCC and we have become great friends. For a while Hollie was one of the only people I talked to on a daily basis. She has her head on straight and has been thru this mess before and has helped me to put one foot in front of the other in digging my way out of desparity. She and Hank are the type of people that when you meet them you are instantly at home. There is alot to be said for people who can make you feel welcomed and invited in 2 seconds flat. They are great great friends that hold very dear to my heart.
Stephanie Havens and I have been friends for 10 1/2 years, and we have been thru a lot over that time frame. Luckily our little rent house is in the same neighborhood with her and Nicky, we have always lived right down the road, but this is just the best. We still see them about the same amount of time as before, but knowing that they are right there is a blessing in its self.

*House
Who would have thought that finding a rent house that backs up to the elementary school would make me so happy! It was an amazing day when we found it. I had 3 houses lined up to move into, and they all 3 fell thru within days of each other(not a good couple of days for me) i was at such a low point that i could not stop crying. My house with Chase was sold, and we had nowhere to go. I knew we could not live with friends, with school and all of that so I panicked. You know what all good moms do! Haha I called Steph and she calmly told me to cal a properties company here in Conway that has several rent houses around town. I did not expecting anything to come from it, and when the guy called me back he had our current house available. I was so excited that I proposed to him on the phone and started crying. No worries i am not marrying my landlord(just in case you were wondering) Emma now walks to school everyday which has helped me to get her to school on time everyday! YAY No more late days! A true blessing for me.

* Job
This one is probably the biggest one where God has blessed us. I would not have thought to call and set up an interview, but my sweet Emma Claire suggested that I call them. I did and had the interview and pretty much got hired on the spot! My boss hired a single mom going thru a divorce with no money, no home, and said I believe in you. I also work from home 3 out of 4 days, with Fridays off. My hours are 8:30 - 2:30 every day so that I can have time with my kids! If God was not present in the set up of this, then I would be stuck in a 9-5 job paying for daycare, and unable to spend time that I need with my girls! Tami watches them in the afternoons and Abbi all day on Wednesday so I can work! I am telling you it is amazing!

I hope that we are able to Glorify God in all that He has done for us! I still feel unworthy of all of the blessings, but so happy to experience the True Love of God in all of its glory. Please keep us in your prayers as our journey is not quite complete thru the land of divorce. Emma and Abbi are still having a hard time with the shuffle between the two houses, and honestly with the divorce itself. They are wonderful loving little girls, who have been tremendously affected by all of this.

New Beginnings!

Emma started school Monday as a first grader! I was so excited for her bc she is in class with her little friend Annabelle, whom she spent the whole summer with. I just knew that she was gonna be loving going to school and seeing her friends, BUT I was wrong!!!

Emma has informed me that she does not like school this year because it is boring. I asked her why she said that and she said "momma it just isn't any fun. We only have one recess, AND all we do is math!! It is so not fair mom, school is totally unacceptable"

So, after I stopped laughing, she proceeded to tell me how she changed her card because she was actin silly. It was the third day of school and she had already had to pull her card!! I asked her why she did what she did, and her response this time was hilarious! "momma, it is so boring, I was trying to make it more fun for everyone, I mean come on momma! The teacher is all about math, and that is just not fun!" I sat there trying not to smile and laugh, because I could just see her snapping her fingers in a Z after she said it!

Now, I love my daughter, but she is a pistol! I am constantly amused by her and she knows it! So, for that new beginning we are needing lots of prayer. I am afraid that if already dislikes school at 6, then we are in for a tough 11 more years ahead!

Abbi Grace will be starting preschool this year, which it is a huge step for me to let her go to school knowing I am not just sitting at home waiting for her! She is my baby, and it is hard for me to let her grow up.

Prayers

I recieved an email yesterday that touched my heart! My cousin Jodi is pregnant with a little girl and due in December, but they just found out that the baby has spina bifida. I sat and thought about all the things that go through your mind when you are pregnant, and that was a big worry of mine. I think the scariest part of that worry becoming reality is the "what are we gonna do?" thought that goes through your mind! So I am asking for all of you to say a prayer for Jodi and David Beaver and their unborn baby girl! Her blog is linked over on the right, so you can go straight to her blog from this one if you would like to!

No time like the present..

Over the last few weeks, I have had time to reflect on so many things. The rise and fall of my marriage being the center of all that right now. It is hard for me to sit and look at everything in a definitive matter, but then again that is how it is.

As a little girl, you grow up thinking what life will be like when you grow up. The kids you will have, the house you will live in, the car you will drive, and of course the man you will marry. Like all little girls I was content knowing that there really is a perfect man for me, and I thought we had met several times thru the years. The typical girl thing! But now as I start this new chapter in my life as a single mom to two beautiful girls, I am looking back to the "what went wrongs?"

I am facing new challenges like getting a job, buying MY own house, and being single again. How people do it, I will never know. It is hard to know that everything I do or say wil shape the girl's life and outlook on marriage forever from here on out. It is a huge responsibility and something that I am taking very seriously.

I am also trying to look out for their best interest. Our divorce is not final yet, but the lines have been drawn in the sand so to speak, and we have to move on. This is a rambling blog today, bc I am sort of just trying to cope and move on. I know that God will provide the answers that I need to get thru this day and all the ones that come after it, but right now I am on my knees before His throne begging for answers and forgiveness.

Weekend Plans

Friday night was Emma's BIG birthday party. I must say that I love my kids parties. I do, I know I should not live thru my children and all that mess, but come party time, I do for them what I would love to have done for me. It never happens that way, but I still have hope that maybe one day it will happen!

So anyway, it was a fabulous evening. Perfect weather, tons of friends, and a lot of fun. I know you want to see pictures, but um, I have none to speak of right now! I know, but my camera was not working and so I borrowed one from my friend Julia. So she has all of the pictures right now, and will be handing them over tomorrow. So I will post all of them when I get them.

We had a butterfly party for Ms. Emma. She wanted it to be a butterfly fairy princess party.....big wishes to fill. I think we did pretty good, except for the fairy princess part. We had the butterfly thing nailed!

A little history for all of you readers new to my life. I do not bake well. I love to cook, but baking is not my thing, so I try to make my kids cakes every year, and FAIL every time. This year I started early. I made 2 nine inch round cakes that were going to be atop 2 ten inch square cakes. I made chocolate candy hearts to go on the cake for decorations, and then Emma and I painted nylon butterflies to have on her cake too. We used pipe cleaners to have them flying over the top of the cake. OK, so now I go to assemble my wonderful cake creation and everything is great. I am icing the mess out of it, and turn to do something else in the kitchen (multitasking at its best) and I turn to admire my cake when I see that the whole thing had slid off and crumbled on the table. I could not blame the girls bc they were outside at the time. This was at 4pm, and the party was at 6:30pm, so I was a little freaked. I usually burn the cake on party day, so I made my usual call to Kroger on Salem for a cake, but they did not have what I needed. In a panic, and tears I called Stephanie and told her about my mishap......By 4:30pm her husband brought me a homemade cake! In the mean time I called Wal-Mart and had them ice a cake for me. We used all of our decorations and made the CAKES our own. Steph's cake had the butterflies flying on it, with 6 sparklers on it. The store bought cake had a Mariposa doll on top and a #6 sparkler on it. It turned out great, but for about 30 minutes I wanted to call the party off.
Emma had a blast, she loved every minute of it. We had some surprises that evening too. Allison Horis drove 2 hours to come to the party(Erin's roommate in college)and then she drove home afterwards. I love the fact that Emma has so many friends that love her, and support her in her many journeys in life. We have been lucky as a family to share so many of our milestones with friends and family.
Kevin and Kimberly were here too, which was a first for Kevin. He has never been to a Tucker birthday party before, and I think he had a good time.

All in all, it was a successful party, with lots of wonderful memories that we will cherish until the next party. HAHA
I promise I will add pictures of the party, when I get them.

Happy Birthday Emma Claire!

6 years ago, I sat in a bed at Baptist hospital in Little Rock Arkansas, patiently waiting for the doctor to come in and say "you are fully dialated, and it is time to start pushing!" Of course my body had other plans and hung on another 2 hours and 52 minutes before my sweet Emma Claire was born. Tonight when she was lying in bed, I told her the story of the day she was born. She loves the story, but has started asking questions about the whole having a baby process. Emma is fascinated by how much we loved her, and could not wait for her to come out and join our family. She asked me tonight if I kissed on her as soon as she was born. I of course said yes, to which she scrunched her nose and said " oh gross momma! I was covered in blood and guts, that is just disgusting! Why would you do that?" I had to tell the truth, I didn't do that!! I told the doctor to clean her up before he handed her to me,because I thought it was gross. I am not a big fan of the just out of the belly unclean baby look. DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!


We are having a hard night tonight, because she is not understanding that her party is not on her actual birthday. We go thru this every year, but it does not seem to help. We just cannot compete with Toad Suck Daze. We are gonna do something special tomorrow for my sweets, so in a few minutes, I will head out to Walmart to buy a birthday balloon, some cupcakes, a card, and things like that. Tomorrow night we will go to GlowGolf to play minigolf. She is excited about glowgolf, and will be equally excited about the balloon, which is good. Emma just likes to have FUN!!
Emma Is so much fun, but quite the little handful. She is VERY independent, but so funny. Here is one of her moments that still makes me laugh. Some of the college girls were here for devo about 2 weeks ago, and I was giving the girls a bath, I walked out to talk(shocker) and this is what happened.
Emma: Momma hurry come in here!! Abbi is hurt
Me(from the living room): Abbi, sweety you are okay. Shake it off(this usually works)
Emma: she can't momma, she hurt her BABY HOLE!
Me: (completely embarassed) Emma don't say that!!
The girls in the living room were cracking up, and looking at me like "what did she just say?" So I told them about Emma starting to ask all of those questions. I panicked and just told her the first thing that popped into my head, hence Baby hole.

I just realized that maybe this is not a good story to share on the internet,but it still cracks me up. I would post pictures, but cannot find any on this computer! We will add some tomorrow on the actual birthday!

I have been Tagged!

I was Tagged by Lauryn Rydl(or whatever her maried name is)


What I was doing 10 years ago:
I was about to graduate from Harding University(May '98)
I was working part time for Hibbett Sports in Conway
I was newly married
And was living in Conway until I graduated(I thought)


Five things on my To Do list today:

Help out at the school for enrichment day
Go to lunch with Julia
Go to Toad Suck Daze with Julia
Take stuff back to Target
Get Emma from school



What I would do if I were a billionaire:

Give to the church
GET OUT OF ALL OUR DEBT
support our college ministry at church
Pay off my parents debt
support the kids in the community that go without



Three of my bad habits:

*Texting ( I am addicted)
Eating Cheezit's late at night
Saying what is on my mind as soon as it enters it!! I have NO filter


Five jobs I have had:

Chicken Deboner ( first job ever)
Accounts payable for Enron (yes, I know. But it wasn't me!!)
Accounts payable for the city of Deer Park
Radio Sales for Equity Broadcasting in Little Rock
Ad sales for Publishing Concepts group in Little Rock

Three people I want to know more about:

Jodi Beaver
Samantha Allen
Amanda Sanders

Stuck in a RUT!!

So, if you had not noticed, I have not been on the internet in a while. There is not a good reason for it like I am stuck in the bahamas without a computer, I have just not had a computer! With that being said, I feel like I have missed telling you about all the nothings that go on around here. Unfortunately, there is not much to report, unlike those of you that are trigger happy with your cameras, taking way tooo many pictures of your kiddos (which I love every one of them) I do not have any to post. I will in 2 weeks because Emma's birthday is coming up. She will be 6 this coming Saturday, but her party is the following weekend due to the TOADSUCK conflict. you read it correctly, big conflict of interest in Conway! Not many come to a party the first weekend in May due to Toadsuck Daze, the annual town celebration. Don't ask about the name, just google it!

I am going to get better about posting entries again, I promise. With tons of pictures, and funny stories, and all of that stuff you like to see on someone else's blog page!!

So, what is going on in your life? Random thoughts!

I have taken a hiatus from the computer for the past two weeks, and now I am gonna play catch up! Unfortunately, not much to tell about! Today was the MS walk in Little Rock, we had a team of 20 signed up to walk with us, only 15 showed up. It was a fun time, the only downer for the day is that Carol was not able to go with us! I called her this morning, and she said she was sick and was not going to go walk. I was so sad, but we still had so much fun! And honestly, they gave free candy bars away!!!! HELLLLLOOOOO! Can you say Great Day? Cara came up to help with the girls, and they had a blast. She took them to the Dollar Tree, and so they came home with some great outside toys!! Emma picked chalks,and Abbi FINALLY picked bubbles.

We went to momma and daddies last weekend to help them move. We took a break and went fishing out at the ponds, and of course the biggest catch of the day went to ME!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I could hardly believe that I had a fish on the line. Not only was it the biggest, but the first of the day, weighing in at 5 pounds! Yep, a big ol sucker!! I am still not over that. I have not caught a fish since I was a little girl, and so the fact that I had no idea why my bobber was under water, cracked my daddy up! I fought that bad boy for about 10minutes, and when I got it up, I saw the massiveness of the fish.

Here are some random pictures of our day with Cara!!

Silly Faces were the main focus of our pictures today!! Emma took most of these! I know my mouth looks horrid! I was pooking my lips out!

Pictures from snow school!!

this is my favorite position...on my booty!
Here I am up, but not really for long.
I am still up. I got better as the day went on!
Here is Emma, going down the little slope.
Emma is getting better at skiing too.
Here is Maddie and Emma skiing together!


All in all a great day. Sore, bruised, and beaten up, but still standing!!

Spring Break

So, it is that time of the year. Flowers are blooming, birds are singing, grass is growing, and we are skiing. Well, I actually took a snowboarding class today. Yeah, you heard me, and I am now hooked! The guy, Jared, said I did an excellent job. But to be honest, I just wanted to look cool, so that is why I chose to snowboard. What are the odds that we would come skiing? Slim to none, until Misty called and asked if we wanted to tag with them. So here we are in Pagosa Springs Colorado. Now here is the crazy thing. In our little class of 10 today, only one girl was NOT from Arkansas. CRAZY. One girl was even from Conway......CRAZY!! I was so shocked, but then again, we never do stuff like this, so it was out of my realm of thinking that there would be more people who drove this far for skiing!So, this is the best one of me comin down the mountain. My instructor is watching on in dismay, cause you are supposed to keep your arms to your side. Oh well, it was so fun. The kiddos went to ski school too, but I did not see them much. Chase had skied before, so he went out on his own, no class necessary . The plan tonight is to put the kids to bed, and hit the hot tub. I so love this Colorado lifestyle, but I must say, I miss being at home.

Come on Spring!

Where is the Spring weather that we all love. This Arkansas crazy weather is about to drive me up the wall. I am ready for shorts and tank tops, but instead we are wearing fleece and long pants. In a couple of weeks we are headed to Colorado for spring break. I am excited about the trip because I have never been, but that is about it. I hate the cold, and especially the cold and snowy. The best part of it, is that Chase LOVES to ski. This is his ideal trip to take. My favorite trips are to the beach in the summertime. It is a good thing that this year we will both get to go to our favorite vacation spots. I am hoping to have fabulous pictures from our vacation in the snow. And hopefully soon we will have the fabulous warm weather here at home, that I miss so much on these cold days.

Okay Traci, you win!

So I have this friend, and she is great(a little bossy) but I love her. Tonight she told me that I need to update my blog. So here it is just for her.

There is nothing really going on to blog about. I am subbing tomorrow at the preschool where Emma went, and Abbi will go next year. Yay money! I have started lifting with my bossy friend Traci, 2 nights a week. Which honestly has been so much fun. We laugh so hard, that you could hardly call it working out.

It is funny how friendships grow and blossom in adulthood. Traci and I have known each other for 15 years, but were not really good friends until the last year or two. I was nice to her(and those of you who knew me in my younger days need to know that I have grown up to be considerably nicer, than I was in college)but we never hung out. She is so stinkin funny. I mean I literally laugh so hard with her, that I am worried about bladder issues. We all have those friends, you know the quiet ones, that when you really get to know them, they take on a whole new personality. Traci has been a motivation to me to do these half marathons, and that is a huge undertaking with me. I am quite the procrastinator/ slacker. I would never have run Austin if it were not for her, and I surely would never run another one, if she were not there cheering me on. And trust me, she will probably always be at the finish line cheering me on.
So here is to friends that you can count on to get you into life changing experiences, and then make you pee your pants reliving the highlights of it!! Love you Traci

Sweet story

I stole this from someone else's blog! I am still so touched by it! Hope you do not mind Jennifer, I just thought it was beautiful.




She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?' The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.' Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said goodbye to son.

She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else.. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom..'

She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.' Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house.

She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.

The letter said :

'Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.
Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important.
That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you goodbye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.
Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?
Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

The big Race day!

This is the start of the race. I had just gone over the big mat, that activated the chip on my shoe to keep track of my progress during the race. I am in ORANGE, but not for long!!
This is at the 6 mile mark. Sister and the gang saw me here and I stopped for a quick drink, and chat.



Then I had to get back at it, because I was not even half way done. I also gave sister and them my long sleeve shirt, I warmed up rather quickly considering the 40 degree temps.

Here is the 12 mile mark. I was still smiling even though the last 4 miles were all up hill.......CRAZY. I waved, but kept going. At that point if I stopped, my body would have given out. I was starting to hurt in places that I would have never fathomed. How on earth was I to know that the tops of my feet would be so sore?

Here I am coming into the last 1/2 mile. Still running, although I do not know how. I am guessing adrenaline. The crowd was yelling and cheering, the music was loud, and I had a cheering section of 8 right in the corner. How could you not run after that?

I saw Traci first thing after I crossed and picked up my loot. Check out that medal! I am so excited about that especially. I was starting to feel the race as soon as I stopped. You can so see it in my face, I was starting to get stiff. (did not stretch like I should have after the fact)



Chase finally found me in this one. I was so glad to be done, and I was ready to go home.
Another picture, where I am clearly in pain! Haha But so happy to see Jonathan Anderson! He came to the race to cheer us on, such a good friend. We had not seen him in 10 years.




Cason came to the race to cheer too. This is a great picture of us. I was glad to see him, but he did not talk much. Sister said that he was overwhelmed by the huge volume of people that were there. Did I tell you that there were 13,000 that ran the race? Um, yeah massive amounts of people were cheering on friends and family too.



A better picture with Chase.
Me and sista.
Traci and I in the parking lot, right before we went back to the hotel. So proud and happy with our awesome medals! I was just actually happy to still be standing, and moving. I am glad to say that for my first 1/2 marathon, this was a wonderful experience. Will I run Austin again? Probably not, those hills were killers. But for my first time 3:13 was not bad. I am happy with my time, but the next one will be under 3 hours.

I did it!! Or We did it!!

Traci and I are back from our trip to Austin. WE had so much fun, a ton of good food, a lot of good visiting, and inside jokes now, and of course the RACE!! And let me say that the greatest guy in the entire world, drove us down and back. I will post pictures in a day or two, or as soon as I get them from my sister and Traci. It was an experience, that I will never forget, and I am so glad that I did it with Traci.

Prayer

I have been thinking a lot about prayer lately. I am not good at it. I am really good at staying in touch with all of my friends, a little too good, but cannot find the time to remember to pray. I know that at some point everyone goes through this and now it is my turn. I am just hoping to choose the right path, the one that leads me closer to God, and eternal life. I am not one to be preachy about things, because I do not see myself as being a great Christian influence, but I need to be. I am raising my children to spend their eternity with God, but I do not feel like I am a good influence. There is something wrong with that. I read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife"
and loved it. For a little while I was able to say the prayers and live the book, but then life got busy. So now with all of the complications of life, shouldn't I be more focused on prayer? The answer is yes, but how? A new challenge..........

Can you believe there are only 2 weeks left?

Well, I cannot believe it. Or maybe I just do not want to believe it, but here it is. I have been working my tail off with my trainer, who I love, but she has taken a day job now, so I am switching.
I am now going to start training with the owner, Haley. I have no doubt that she is great at what she does, but the fear of the unknown gets me every time. I have made a lot of progress, one of my goals was to be able to see my collar bones, and now I can. It is a small victory, but a victory none the less. None of my clothes fit......YAY! It is a good day when your sweats are too big. But now, I face the problem of buy new stuff or wait until I get all the way down to my "perfect" size. I guess it is a good problem to have. We are gonna have one of those weeks, you know the one. One or more of the kids is sick, there is nothing for dinner, and the laundry keeps adding up. We have already got the kid being sick, Emma has come down with the seasonal allergy stuff for like the third time in the past month, and the laundry is never finished around here. Tonight she got sick and now there is more laundry. Never ending cycle. It is funny, when I wanted to be a stay at home mom, I never thought about the sick times. And here we are again with Emma and her sickness. I am starting to think that we may need to head back up to the allergy doctor for a reevaluation of her diagnosis. More of that later.

I signed Abbi Grace up for preschool on Friday. I am a little sad, but I know she wants to go. I have been telling her that she will be going to Em's old school, but she does not believe me. She just laughs and says "momma this is Emma's school, not Abbi's" We will see what that will be like next year. I am nervous for her, I keep thinking of her as being this tiny little girl, and not my big 3 year old girl. I never knew it would be so hard to let my "baby" grow up. I did not intend to over baby her, it just sort of happened I guess. I have gotten better lately, but deep down, I miss her being a baby. I miss it with both of them. That new baby smell, the way they stretch, the sweet kisses, the noises they make when they sleep, all of it. I however do NOT, I repeat, do NOT want to have another baby. I just cannot commit to having 3 kids. And quoting Melanie "if you have 3, you really need to go ahead and have 4 kids. Keeps it all fair." So to that I say nope. We are good with the 2.


I never knew that my nervous rambling would be evident in a blog format, so for all of you reading this, I am sorry for the jumping all over the place. But if you know me, then you should have expected me to be nervous and rambly.

Changing the Outside

A picture of me and Erin from the George Strait concert


So for the past two weeks, I have been working out like crazy to get ready for the half. I signed up for 6 weeks with a personal trainer, thinking that after that time frame, I would be done. NOPE, I just love going up there and working out. It is funny how something you avoid for so long, can become a passion. The results are already noticeable, and of course once you make progress it is hard to stop.

The half is a month away. Oh yeah, One full month. I still cannot fathom running 13.1 miles in a huge crowd of others doing the same thing. I am excited because Chase is going to go with me, and Melissa and James and the kiddos are going to meet us there too. Which is alot of pressure, but it will be fun. I am trying to take more pictures to post on here. I just have not been in the picture taking mood lately.

A new Year

So hear we are, January 14, 2008. I have already decided that this year is going to be great. My race is getting closer, and that scares me to death, but I am now going to a personal trainer to get in top condition. I am not sure how well it will go, but so far after 2 sessions, things are looking good. We have had a busy few weeks in January. School started back up last Monday, and honestly, I was starting to think that we needed to move to wherever they have year round school. I love my girls so much, but wow 2 weeks is a long time, especially since Emma loves school so much. There was one day where she sat on the sofa and cried, because she was missing PE. I felt badly for her, but she soon admitted that she really was all of her buddies at school. I was missing cleaning the house without the girls fighting the entire time.

This past weekend was awesome. I have now been 33 for 3 full days, and it is not too bad. Friday (the actual day) started off nice, I went and ate lunch with Emma at school. Which was so cool, because the whole class knew it was my birthday, and when I went into the room, everyone yelled "Happy Birthday Emma's mom" I of course loved it. After that I took Abbi to play with Austin, so that I could take my Friend Carol to Walmart. I know that sounds odd, but Carol has progressive MS, and is confined to a wheel chair. She is basically a shut in, with some small trips out. So anyway, then I had to go to Kroger to pick up stuff to make dinner. This is where my day just went thru the roof. All of our kiddos were here for dinner. All 5 of them. Brandon had told me earlier that he would cook dinner(best gift ever) so I let him. Erin brought gifts for the kids(big hit) and Tommy played with the kids the entire night(big job) Then after dinner, they cleaned up the kitchen. Can you say Best Birthday ever? Chase got the best cake, but of course it is not on my lean out plan, so it was just a small piece for me. After we got stuff put up, we headed over to Glowgolf, to play miniature glow in the dark golf. So much fun. I have the greatest family. We spent the whole night just laughing and having fun.

Saturday night Erin and her roomie Allison took me to see George Strait for my birthday. I do not think I stopped smiling the entire night. It was so fun. I think that this years birthday will be so hard to top. But what a great start to a new year, I only wish that every year started off like this one.

Happy 2008

I cannot believe that the year is already over. We have had a rough couple of weeks, the girls have been sick since before Christmas. The nurse said that there is a viral cold going around, and the symptoms are fever for 3-5 days, and a cough for 2 weeks. Well, of course we got the full force of this one. Emma started off with it on the 22nd, and then Abbi came down with it last Thursday. The biggest deal of it though was that we were unable to go to mom and dad's for our family christmas. This is the first time EVER that we did not go to Texas for christmas. To say the least, I was bummed. Luckily my wonderful cousin and her husband live down the road, so we took them our gifts, and they drove them to Texas for us. They also brought ours back from Texas, and so we had christmas again at our house. Emma and Abbi got a WAD of cash from Vava, and Emma was very proud of it. She took that money today, and got her ears pierced. I was so proud of my sweet girl. She got up there and they double gunned her. She did not whimper or cry. She was so excited. She told me today that she wanted to do this so badly, that she would never ask for anything again. That lasted of course, about 10 minutes. We fully intended to buy Abbi a toy, since sis was getting earrings, so Emma(the one who never wanted anything else) decided that we should buy Squawkers Macal. That silly talking bird, which I was against before chirstmas(price tag of $60) but today at $15, it was a go. It is really cool, but I am glad that we will not be bringing anymore toys in this house until birthday time. Speaking of, I have 9 more days at my wonderful age of 32. I honestly think that I am going thru a mid 30's crisis. I just do not want to get old and older looking. So, what do you do? I got my hair high lighted to look younger, and of course I HATE IT! Why do I think that I can change the outside to make the inside feel younger? That is a good question, maybe some of you can answer that for me. So, Jodi take a stab at that one for me!