Wow, it has been a while!

So, it is time to reflect on the past year. Well, I guess really that time has passed, but I am choosing to do it now.....

Over the past year, I have gone from humble kneeling before the throne, to thinking I had all the answers! I am admitting it right now, I have been playing with fire and been in total disrespect of those around me! I have been completely selfish, mean, rude, and uncaring of my behavior and attitude. I sound like the perfect Christian example to my kids........

So now where am I? What do I do now?

I am not gonna hide the fact that I dated the "perfect' guy right after my divorce was final, only to find out that he was not so perfect. Why is that? Why am I all of a sudden thinking that I am this great judge of character?

I have learned a few things in counseling, and one of those things is that I am NOT IN CONTROL of what I think I am in control of. Example: When I was dating Ben, I thought that I was on cloud nine! He was perfection.....Oh yeah, I was wrong!! The only perfection in human form was not the guy I was dating....He is my Lord and Savior! I took the control from him and tried to do what I thought was the best for me. It's funny how God has a subtle way of letting you figure it out! He was not all that subtle in my case, but I got it!!

I had started to miss church on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights, just because I did not want to go. I ask myself now, was it bc of my own guilt for things that I was doing? Or bc of the fact that I wanted to do something more fun than going to church. I am ashamed to admit it, but I had started to not care anymore what people thought of me. I did not care if they saw me out having a drink, or heaven forbid on a date! NOt to make light of it, but I was not caring about anything like that.

Now, let's talk about now. I am trying to turn it back around. I mean come on, this God that got me thru the absolute hardest time in my life is sitting waiting for me to turn back to Him and ask for help. And I was looking Him in the eye and saying "No thanks, I got it" I am so glad that I have a few friends that did not let me get away with actin this way for too long.

I am seeing that my actions almost always have a negative reaction when I act this way. I am watching my girls go from having two parents in the home, to having two homes. I know that is not how it was meant to be, and that kids need to have both parents all the time. I am VERY lucky to have married a man that is a GREaT daddy!! He puts the girls first, and I am grateful for that. I think that the kiddos are getting Chase at his very best when he has them, and me at my very best when I have them. But I do hate that they are having to grow up in a broken home, and the fact that I am the cause of it breaks my heart to pieces!

I have made the decision to do the right thing from here on out, no matter what the consequence may be. I have consistently said that I want my girls to grow up and be strong christian women, and I NEED to be that example. I want them to look to me, not someone else.

I think that hard times are in our lives to bring us closer to our goal in life, and that is spending eternity with our heavenly Father. This year has been an absolute roller coaster for me, and I am ready for the drama to be over with!!

To God be the Glory

In the hustle and bustle of this holiday season, I am reminded to stop and thank God for all that he has done in my life. This year it has been so evident that He has been working in my life. I know that He has been with me always, but I have not been able to see Him past myself! I am humbled by the grace that He has extended to me. I am honored to have the ability to ask for forgiveness, and to go before His throne giving glory to Him!

I pray that as this year comes to an end, and a new one starts, that we will all remember to give God the glory!! I am making a resolution to give thanks in every situation, and give God the glory no matter what the situation is!! I am wanting my girls to see me as an example of a strong christian woman, so that they will be strong when they grow up. I also want the girls to know that no matter what happens in life, God will be with them, and they will have Him to help them get thru the tough times!!

Merry Christmas to you all from our family to yours!!

Tis the Season

Times have been really hard lately, but of course it has to get better. The girls and I have been doing our thing, sticking to our routine, and finally i am realizing that Christmas is around the corner. We are headed to mom and dad's on Friday for christmas with them and then coming back here for Christmas eve and christmas morning. I am not enjoying the whole splitting up of holidays, as a mother, and someone who loves Christmas, I am not looking forward to christmas day. I guess though it is what we do with the time we have together. I have tried to keep all the traditions the same, and as usual there are not many more traditions that we could add this year. We have our Elf on a Shelf, We do the christmas eve gift of new pajamas, and reindeer food, cookies for santa, and all the other little things that make the holidays the holidays!

We have been dealing with the sickness for a while.
Emma has had : walking pneumonia, and Pink eye
Abbi: has been well!! who would have thought
Me: currently I have Strep throat, a kidney infection, and sinus infection

Yay for illness!! Luckily Emma has gotten over her stuff reatively quickly, but Me on the other hand, I am not feeling so hot! Hopefully by christmas santa will bring me good health.


Hopefully everyone else is having a great holiday season!!

the Rollercoaster continues!!

There are times in your life, when you are so blessed that you forget that there are low points in life. When you are up, you are doing great and everything is going your way. When the lows come, it hits you hard! I am learning the hard way to ride this rollercoaster of life as a single woman and mother. And let me just say it is tough. I have been very blessed, more than I deserve to be, or ever thought I could be, but have forgotten about the important things in life. After the sell of the house, everything was going well, but like all things money runs low and it all gets tight! I am now working three jobs to make ends meet for me and the girls, and I am not gonna lie, I am worn out. We are in a major low, and I was reminded today that it could always be worse. But where am I looking to find comfort? I am looking to my friends and family of course, but have noticed that recently I have taken my focus off of God!

I am just like everyone before me, I am on the same path as many, but I am still looking down!! I have many theme songs in life and right now the one that sums it up the most is the one that brings my life into focus as soon as it starts playing!!


I will not be Moved!

I have been a wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned sovreignty
and had my share of doubts

And though sometimes
my prayers feel like they're
bouncin off the sky
the hand that holds I won't let go
and here's the reason why

I will stumble, i will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face Heartaches
But I will not be Moved

On c]Christ the solid Rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart
many times before
My life has been a broken glass
and I have kept the score
of all the shattered dreams
and though it seemed
that I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It's GRACE I'm standing on

I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved

On Christ the solid ROCK I stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
has been a badge of war
and though I have been torn
I willnot be moved

I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartaches
but I will not be moved

On Christ the solid ROck i stand
all other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved



This is the my life right now summed up into a powerful song!! I love it, it is by Natalie Grant!!

It's been official for a whole week!

Last Monday at 1:45pm my marriage to Chase was officially over! It has been a very long 6 months, but it is now a done deal, no looking back. It is time to look forward and move on, for the girls sake and for my own. It is weird having been married for so long, and now to be SINGLE again. I am amazed at how things have changed over the past 12 years. I have never really though about what single moms go thru, until now. It is hard, a constant juggling act. You have to make time for everything, and you put yourself last every time. There is not anymore me time, except for when Chase has the girls. But even then I tend to work on the house and laundry and grocery shopping.

I have been reflecting on what it is that I want in life, and i have a mental list that I keep. It is gonna be an interesting adventure, I just hope that I am up for the ride! This past week has been a tough one. My emotions have been a roller coaster, with all of the ups and downs, happy to sad in 2 seconds flat. the girls are doing well, but I have them signed up to start counseling next week. They are needing to talk to someone, and I have found a girl from Harding that works really well with children. I think she is just what we need, and she will help the girls to deal with all of their stress that has come from the divorce.

Hopefully all of you reading are having a great week! Thnk you for your thoughts and prayers!

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your faithfulness,
Oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with
the sinner's restless heart
You lead me by still waters
into mercy
where nothing can keep us apart
So, remember your people
remember your children
Remember your promise
Oh God
For Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for Me

Great is Your love and justice
God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Heaven's victory
And all your people sing along
So remember your people
remember your children
remember your promise Oh God

For your Grace is enough
your Grace is enough
your Grace is enough
For your Grace is enough
for me

So remember your people
remember your children
remember your promise Oh God

For your grace is enough
your grace is enough
your grace is enough for me

A new Creation

We have had a great couple of weeks! I am going to admit to something, that I probably shouldn't! Before our world became topsy turvy, I was not much of one to sit and pray. I thought I was doing a good enough job, but I so was not doing anything but box checking. It has become more apparent to me over the last few weeks as I have watched Emma in school. She started this school year hating it. She acted up during class, and came home on yellow most of the days of the week. (shocking I know) She has had a rough start, so we decided to turn things around out our little house. We have changed some things, and the biggest one is how we pray. Not just for dinner anymore, or before bed. We pray all the time, and we pray for specific things. We pray every night for Emma, and her behavior in school. We pray that God protect us from harm in our little house every day. We pray for each other, and we try to keep a prayer in our hearts all day long. The girls babysitter this summer, told them that when they needed someone to talk to they could always talk to God. They have been doing it ever since. I think that by watching them I was convicted to do the same. There is nothing more powerful than listening to your babies pray.
I have sat outside the door and listened to Emma praying for her sister and her friends and family. She always asks God to help her act right at school too. I try to remember in the mornings to let her know that i am praying for her to have a good day, and i remind her that God is with her all the time watching over her. I am amazed at how just saying that has reassured her and helped her grow in her love of God.
We have started listening to KLOVE on the radio, and the positive message that has come from that is also helping with the girls.
NOW I am not saying that there is not any fighting in our little home, because we are 3 females living together, but it has not been as bad as it was in the beginning of the year. Granted when these little girls grow up and we have all of the HORMONES flowing thru this house, we will be praying a very different prayer! But for right now there is a new attitude and spirit in this house!

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your Faithfulness
Oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with the Sinner's
restless heart
You lead me by still waters