A new Creation

We have had a great couple of weeks! I am going to admit to something, that I probably shouldn't! Before our world became topsy turvy, I was not much of one to sit and pray. I thought I was doing a good enough job, but I so was not doing anything but box checking. It has become more apparent to me over the last few weeks as I have watched Emma in school. She started this school year hating it. She acted up during class, and came home on yellow most of the days of the week. (shocking I know) She has had a rough start, so we decided to turn things around out our little house. We have changed some things, and the biggest one is how we pray. Not just for dinner anymore, or before bed. We pray all the time, and we pray for specific things. We pray every night for Emma, and her behavior in school. We pray that God protect us from harm in our little house every day. We pray for each other, and we try to keep a prayer in our hearts all day long. The girls babysitter this summer, told them that when they needed someone to talk to they could always talk to God. They have been doing it ever since. I think that by watching them I was convicted to do the same. There is nothing more powerful than listening to your babies pray.
I have sat outside the door and listened to Emma praying for her sister and her friends and family. She always asks God to help her act right at school too. I try to remember in the mornings to let her know that i am praying for her to have a good day, and i remind her that God is with her all the time watching over her. I am amazed at how just saying that has reassured her and helped her grow in her love of God.
We have started listening to KLOVE on the radio, and the positive message that has come from that is also helping with the girls.
NOW I am not saying that there is not any fighting in our little home, because we are 3 females living together, but it has not been as bad as it was in the beginning of the year. Granted when these little girls grow up and we have all of the HORMONES flowing thru this house, we will be praying a very different prayer! But for right now there is a new attitude and spirit in this house!

Your Grace is Enough

Great is your Faithfulness
Oh God of Jacob
You wrestle with the Sinner's
restless heart
You lead me by still waters

And so it begins!

I have been putting off doing this for a while now, but have decided to take the advice of my counselor! I guess I should since I have given her so much money! Anyway, the idea is to look at the people in my life and decide which ones I need to have in my life! I have a problem with people using me! I hate that about myself, I always try to do what is best, but i always end up being used and taken advantag of! So anyway, today was the day that I finally did it! I sat down with my list of friends and decided which ones to keep in my life! I did not know that you could make decisions like that, but I NEED to take control of my life for me and the girls! I am scared that I am a making a mistake, but that is what life is all about! Pray for me while I venture on this journey to find what it is I am looking for! On my journey to find myself, and to put GOD back in the center of my life! You have all been so supportive and encouraging, and I covet your prayers! Thank you all for the prayers and love you send this way!

A good Week!

Every once in a while a good week pops up in the Tucker House! This is one of those weeks! Emma has had a fabulous week at school this week, Abbi is loving preschool, and I am having a great work week! I would say that we are just lucky this week, but I am learning that everything happens for a reason! And by that I mean that God is blessing us over and over! I am amazed at how often over the past few months we have been blessed. here are a few examples:

Our church(awesome)
Our Friends
Our House
My job
***we have been accepted by some of the State funded programs that are helping us out right now tremendously!

Now a little bit about all of these.
*Church
We have started going to UCC in Conway, and I have been blessed by being in the presence of The Lord every time I walk into the building! It amazes me how you can feel the love in the room when you walk in. I have never in my life felt more accepted and loved by complete strangers. It has been a wonderful experience for me and the girls. I am a better mother because of it! I also have met one of my favorite people there, and could not imagine not having her in my daily life. She has been an awesome friend, and I would not have met her if we were not going thru this divorce.

*Friends
Friends have always been an important part of my life, and the girls are starting to see how wonderful it is to have great friends. At the end of last year I met one of the other motheres at Emma's school, and we started talking. Over the summer while I was working, she cared for and loved my children as she would her own. She has been a source of strength to me, she and her husband have a marriage that makes you yearn to find that true love you hear about but never see.
Tami and Thomas are amazing people, and have opened my eyes to so much! I hate to admit but growing up in the Church of Christ i have been closed minded to others in the world. Such an elitest frame of mind. They are amazing christians that share the love of God with everyone around them. They inspire me everyday. I love them. Emma and their daughter Annabelle are good friends and Abbi and Kaedyn are best buddies! So we spend a lot of time with them.

Hollie and Hank are two of my favorite people.I met them at UCC and we have become great friends. For a while Hollie was one of the only people I talked to on a daily basis. She has her head on straight and has been thru this mess before and has helped me to put one foot in front of the other in digging my way out of desparity. She and Hank are the type of people that when you meet them you are instantly at home. There is alot to be said for people who can make you feel welcomed and invited in 2 seconds flat. They are great great friends that hold very dear to my heart.
Stephanie Havens and I have been friends for 10 1/2 years, and we have been thru a lot over that time frame. Luckily our little rent house is in the same neighborhood with her and Nicky, we have always lived right down the road, but this is just the best. We still see them about the same amount of time as before, but knowing that they are right there is a blessing in its self.

*House
Who would have thought that finding a rent house that backs up to the elementary school would make me so happy! It was an amazing day when we found it. I had 3 houses lined up to move into, and they all 3 fell thru within days of each other(not a good couple of days for me) i was at such a low point that i could not stop crying. My house with Chase was sold, and we had nowhere to go. I knew we could not live with friends, with school and all of that so I panicked. You know what all good moms do! Haha I called Steph and she calmly told me to cal a properties company here in Conway that has several rent houses around town. I did not expecting anything to come from it, and when the guy called me back he had our current house available. I was so excited that I proposed to him on the phone and started crying. No worries i am not marrying my landlord(just in case you were wondering) Emma now walks to school everyday which has helped me to get her to school on time everyday! YAY No more late days! A true blessing for me.

* Job
This one is probably the biggest one where God has blessed us. I would not have thought to call and set up an interview, but my sweet Emma Claire suggested that I call them. I did and had the interview and pretty much got hired on the spot! My boss hired a single mom going thru a divorce with no money, no home, and said I believe in you. I also work from home 3 out of 4 days, with Fridays off. My hours are 8:30 - 2:30 every day so that I can have time with my kids! If God was not present in the set up of this, then I would be stuck in a 9-5 job paying for daycare, and unable to spend time that I need with my girls! Tami watches them in the afternoons and Abbi all day on Wednesday so I can work! I am telling you it is amazing!

I hope that we are able to Glorify God in all that He has done for us! I still feel unworthy of all of the blessings, but so happy to experience the True Love of God in all of its glory. Please keep us in your prayers as our journey is not quite complete thru the land of divorce. Emma and Abbi are still having a hard time with the shuffle between the two houses, and honestly with the divorce itself. They are wonderful loving little girls, who have been tremendously affected by all of this.

New Beginnings!

Emma started school Monday as a first grader! I was so excited for her bc she is in class with her little friend Annabelle, whom she spent the whole summer with. I just knew that she was gonna be loving going to school and seeing her friends, BUT I was wrong!!!

Emma has informed me that she does not like school this year because it is boring. I asked her why she said that and she said "momma it just isn't any fun. We only have one recess, AND all we do is math!! It is so not fair mom, school is totally unacceptable"

So, after I stopped laughing, she proceeded to tell me how she changed her card because she was actin silly. It was the third day of school and she had already had to pull her card!! I asked her why she did what she did, and her response this time was hilarious! "momma, it is so boring, I was trying to make it more fun for everyone, I mean come on momma! The teacher is all about math, and that is just not fun!" I sat there trying not to smile and laugh, because I could just see her snapping her fingers in a Z after she said it!

Now, I love my daughter, but she is a pistol! I am constantly amused by her and she knows it! So, for that new beginning we are needing lots of prayer. I am afraid that if already dislikes school at 6, then we are in for a tough 11 more years ahead!

Abbi Grace will be starting preschool this year, which it is a huge step for me to let her go to school knowing I am not just sitting at home waiting for her! She is my baby, and it is hard for me to let her grow up.

Prayers

I recieved an email yesterday that touched my heart! My cousin Jodi is pregnant with a little girl and due in December, but they just found out that the baby has spina bifida. I sat and thought about all the things that go through your mind when you are pregnant, and that was a big worry of mine. I think the scariest part of that worry becoming reality is the "what are we gonna do?" thought that goes through your mind! So I am asking for all of you to say a prayer for Jodi and David Beaver and their unborn baby girl! Her blog is linked over on the right, so you can go straight to her blog from this one if you would like to!

No time like the present..

Over the last few weeks, I have had time to reflect on so many things. The rise and fall of my marriage being the center of all that right now. It is hard for me to sit and look at everything in a definitive matter, but then again that is how it is.

As a little girl, you grow up thinking what life will be like when you grow up. The kids you will have, the house you will live in, the car you will drive, and of course the man you will marry. Like all little girls I was content knowing that there really is a perfect man for me, and I thought we had met several times thru the years. The typical girl thing! But now as I start this new chapter in my life as a single mom to two beautiful girls, I am looking back to the "what went wrongs?"

I am facing new challenges like getting a job, buying MY own house, and being single again. How people do it, I will never know. It is hard to know that everything I do or say wil shape the girl's life and outlook on marriage forever from here on out. It is a huge responsibility and something that I am taking very seriously.

I am also trying to look out for their best interest. Our divorce is not final yet, but the lines have been drawn in the sand so to speak, and we have to move on. This is a rambling blog today, bc I am sort of just trying to cope and move on. I know that God will provide the answers that I need to get thru this day and all the ones that come after it, but right now I am on my knees before His throne begging for answers and forgiveness.

Weekend Plans

Friday night was Emma's BIG birthday party. I must say that I love my kids parties. I do, I know I should not live thru my children and all that mess, but come party time, I do for them what I would love to have done for me. It never happens that way, but I still have hope that maybe one day it will happen!

So anyway, it was a fabulous evening. Perfect weather, tons of friends, and a lot of fun. I know you want to see pictures, but um, I have none to speak of right now! I know, but my camera was not working and so I borrowed one from my friend Julia. So she has all of the pictures right now, and will be handing them over tomorrow. So I will post all of them when I get them.

We had a butterfly party for Ms. Emma. She wanted it to be a butterfly fairy princess party.....big wishes to fill. I think we did pretty good, except for the fairy princess part. We had the butterfly thing nailed!

A little history for all of you readers new to my life. I do not bake well. I love to cook, but baking is not my thing, so I try to make my kids cakes every year, and FAIL every time. This year I started early. I made 2 nine inch round cakes that were going to be atop 2 ten inch square cakes. I made chocolate candy hearts to go on the cake for decorations, and then Emma and I painted nylon butterflies to have on her cake too. We used pipe cleaners to have them flying over the top of the cake. OK, so now I go to assemble my wonderful cake creation and everything is great. I am icing the mess out of it, and turn to do something else in the kitchen (multitasking at its best) and I turn to admire my cake when I see that the whole thing had slid off and crumbled on the table. I could not blame the girls bc they were outside at the time. This was at 4pm, and the party was at 6:30pm, so I was a little freaked. I usually burn the cake on party day, so I made my usual call to Kroger on Salem for a cake, but they did not have what I needed. In a panic, and tears I called Stephanie and told her about my mishap......By 4:30pm her husband brought me a homemade cake! In the mean time I called Wal-Mart and had them ice a cake for me. We used all of our decorations and made the CAKES our own. Steph's cake had the butterflies flying on it, with 6 sparklers on it. The store bought cake had a Mariposa doll on top and a #6 sparkler on it. It turned out great, but for about 30 minutes I wanted to call the party off.
Emma had a blast, she loved every minute of it. We had some surprises that evening too. Allison Horis drove 2 hours to come to the party(Erin's roommate in college)and then she drove home afterwards. I love the fact that Emma has so many friends that love her, and support her in her many journeys in life. We have been lucky as a family to share so many of our milestones with friends and family.
Kevin and Kimberly were here too, which was a first for Kevin. He has never been to a Tucker birthday party before, and I think he had a good time.

All in all, it was a successful party, with lots of wonderful memories that we will cherish until the next party. HAHA
I promise I will add pictures of the party, when I get them.